God gave me a Mother’s Day gift today.

My house is aways a mess! There are always toys to step over, videos out of cases, an endless mound of laundry, juice boxes under beds …. and I could go on. I’ll be honest with you – it drives me crazy sometimes! However, cleaning is not anything I enjoy. It is pointless anyway with all these boys around. I do what I can, but if the boys want to do something – I go. If Jon Garrett just wants to be rocked all day, I rock and think how fleeting this moment is. If we have a Church function, social function, etc – I go. My house will always be there with something waiting to be done. I have a few (very sick in the head) friends who always seem to have a clean and organized house. I feel less of a woman when I visit them. However, during Children’s Sermon, Bro. Will said, “What does your mother do for you?” Many children said things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. JB looked up and said, “My mama just loves everybody.” YES, THAT’S IT! If he can walk out of his childhood knowing that loving is so much more important than cleaning then I haven’t failed after all!

Be careful with perfectionism. Having things look nice is of value, but if you ignore the people around you to create the perfect picture, then you only have a nice photo album and nothing else. The pages may be full, but the hearts are empty.

JB has just started staying in Church for the entire service. Normally, he would stay until the Children’s Sermon and then go to the nursery. Communion Sunday rolled around and I realized that I hadn’t explained to him what we were going to do. I leaned over and whispered to him that we were going to walk down front and pray and take the Sacrament — I explained what that was. I told him that he could walk down front, kneel down and ask God to forgive him for the bad things he had done, but I didn’t want him to take the Sacrament until he understood it a little better. I walked down front with JB behind me. Ron said that before he could stop the server, she gave him a cracker. That was okay, but then Brother Will leaned down and said, “JB, the blood of Jesus for you.” JB threw his hand up and said, “NO THANK YOU! I don’t think so!” Well, I was horrified. Needless to say, We came home and had a long talk about Communion.

I could finally laugh at JB not wanting to drink any blood, but pondered the situation a little deeper. A five year old in not understanding, turned down the blood Jesus. How many times have I, in understanding, said no to the blood Jesus. A simple truth – a simple gospel. Yet, I many times feel like Paul when he wonders why his body won’t do what his spirit wants to do.

I am overly justice minded. My dad used to drive me crazy because he’d do exactly whatever the sign said not to! I guess he thought it was meant for someone else. I follow the rules! I can not stand to see someone break the rules and go unpunished for it. It literally puts me over the edge. I’m constantly the one asking “Why do bad things happen to good people?” It seems to be getting worse the older that I get. When does God finally avenge??? Finally, God gave me a verse. It may be out of context, but no doubt came from God to answer this dilema that I put myself in. “Or do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” (Romans 2:4) I’m so thankful that God doesn’t judge me the way that I think the rest of the world should be judged! I’m so thankful for his kindness toward me. It is truly a miracle of mercy. I find myself now a little softer when I see injustices being bypassed. I now pray for the “law breakers” that they may see God’s kindness toward them and be lead to repentance and salvation.

JB is playing soccer this year. They’ve won all of their games so far despite JB running around like an airplane on the field. We were playing a team the other day and I saw a friend of mine from high school. His son was on the opposing team. He is a doctor now and his boys are the same age as mine. He was sitting on a cooler outside the fence. I was so saddened by this. You see, he has had an affair with a girl who worked in his office. He had it all, by world’s standards — a new practice, a repectable position in the community, a wife, and 2 beautiful boys. Now, he sits outside the fence. Was it worth it? Were a few nights of passion worth losing your wife? Your respect? Your sons? Was it worth having to now sit outside the fence?

I thought how equally that phrase works in our Christian lives. Sometimes, we don’t want to give ourselves fully to God because we will have to give something up. We have certain addictions, if you will, that we don’t want to let go of and be in complete right relationship with God. So, we are Christians – saved by grace, but we sit outside the fence. God is calling us and yet we don’t enter in. Is it worth it? Is it worth being outside the fence? How wonderful it is to be right there watching, cheering, participating from with in. Yet, occasionally we all find ourselves outside the fence clinging to something that can’t love us back and longing to be where the real action is. How wonderful and merciful God is that the gate is always open. I pray for my friend that he will find that gate open and once again be in right relationship with his wife and his children — and especially our Savior

God bless Patsy Clairmont! This pregnancy has been extrememly difficult on me. I don’t know if it is my age, the fact that I have 2 toddlers on top of it, the hormones or what, but I have been so sick and tired and depressed and on and on I could go. I have fervantly prayed for God to give me joy and my humor back, but I just kept feeling defeated! Over and over, He led me to Patsy Clairmont’s material along with Marilyn Merburg, Barbara Johnson, and Luci Swindoll. They teach on joy in the hardships of life.

Today I felt great! This is the first day in probably 10 weeks that I had some energy. I decided it was time to clean house! After 10 weeks of fatigue, it was about to be condemned!!! I prayed early this morning that God would give me the energy to get through this day. I told Him that He would have to control my children and my finances and my cleaning and my, well you get the point. I can’t do it anymore, but He can. I cleaned the bathroom and went into to change JB’s bed. I walked back by the bathroom to see Caleb sitting in the middle of an entire new roll of toliet paper that he pulled off. That’s God’s way of repaying me for all those yards I rolled in my youth! I then, started deep cleaning my bedroom. I had to stop to go fix the boys lunch. I went to look for Caleb. Instead of finding this little blond cherub, I found a 2 foot ghost in a white room that used to be green! Caleb was in MY freshly deep cleaned bedroom with a container of powder! It was everywhere! Yesterday I would have cried. Today, I grabbed the video camera …. and laughed!!

Did God control my children? NO!!! And yes, He did. He controled them to teach me that I can laugh again. That spilt powder is not the end of the world. I’ve often said, “I can laugh about it or cry about it.” Lately, I haven’t been able to laugh about it even when I’ve wanted to. Did Patsy Clairmont work this miracle? No, God did. I bet if I could talk to her right now, she wouldn’t take any credit at all. It is all God’s strength. However, she did listen to God’s call on her life. She does sacrifice to speak for Him, write for Him, laugh for Him. She allows herself to be used as a vessel. Do I open myself up to God to use me? Or do I stay closed up in my comfort zone? Is it possible that God could use me to reach people I don’t even know from just saying, “whatever, Lord”? Sure it is. He can use me and you and a messy 2 year old boy to reach the unreachable. We just have to be willing to let Him.