My entire family is morbidly obese.  Heart disease and diabetes run rampant.  I have to constantly fight to stay out of plus sized clothes.  If I drink 8 oz of water, I’m going to gain a pound.  There are many factors that have led to all this.  Perhaps I’ll touch on those as I journey through, but I don’t want this to turn into a blaming game.  I’m a big girl and need to take responsibility for my own actions.  I have gained 10 pounds since November.  Frankly, I just got tired of fighting it.  I got tired of staying on the treadmill.  The TV or a book was much more enticing.  I got tired of saying no to bread and cream filled desserts.  I got tired of eating only half of what was on my plate.  The truth of the matter is I’m undisciplined and spoiled.  I want what I want when I want it.

Today, my sister lays in a hospital bed with a heart attack.  Less than a year ago she had quadruple bypass surgery.  Today, my father’s body is in a grave and my boys don’t have their grandfather.  I won’t be like this.  I must fight it.  Many more that I’ve known and loved now have wasted gifts because they can’t function as God intended.  I include myself in that.  I’m tired.  I’m not the mother, wife or servant that God has called me to be.  I think maybe I’m burying my gifts in food.

I’m going to blog about my journey to weight loss mainly because I need the accountability.  As you read my raw, honest, unmasked journal, please pray for me.  It is my deepest desire to worship God and not food.  I do have an addiction.  I also hope that if you are in this battle with me, you will find some encouragement or something to help spur you on to be the person God created you to be.

Day 1

I finally forced myself on the scale today.  I weigh 139 pounds.  You may not think that’s much.  Keep in mind I’m 5’0 tall and well on my way to being 5’0 wide.  Mainly, I feel anxious, tired, and am disgusted with how I look.  Worthless falls in there somewhere.  I downloaded a new app on my phone.  It’s called C25K.  It’s free.  It says it will train me run a 5k in 8 weeks.  I completed Day 1 today.  I walk for 1 1/2 minutes and run for a minute alternately for 30 minutes.  I DID IT!  I’m a walker not a runner.  I feel good.  My attitude is better, my anxiousness of the day has ceased, and I just feel so much better simply by exercising.

Please pray that I will turn to God to fill the holes in my heart not food and not exercise.  Please pray for my health that I can serve Him and minister to others for all the days He has given me.