I have a disease or a condition or an “ism”. I don’t know what I have and they have yet to medicate me, carve on me or whatever it is that they intend to do. So, I’m floating through these days feeling helpless. I’m exhausted most of the time, too weak to do anything… sometimes too weak to even walk through the house or even pick up a fork to eat. My mental state varies from day to day. My 3 year old has suddenly turned into a hypercondriac, my house has exploded, my husband is exhausted, my baby is needy and my 6 year old is helping. I HATE this!

I’ve just a read a devotion that middle aged + man wrote about his wife. They weren’t young and not yet elderly when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He gave up his retirement dreams and took care of his wife who was completely dependent on him and couldn’t even respond to his conversation. Many months later, after speaking no words, she looked at him and said, “Do you want me?” He said he wanted to jump for joy and answered, “Of course I want you!”

I know the answer to that question for me, but I want to scream, “This isn’t what you signed up for!” I know how I’d answer that question should the situation be reversed. It is so humbling to be here. I’m just 34. I should be out running with my children. I should have the energy and strength to meet everyone’s needs….. but…. I don’t. God has surrounded me with a great support system. Ron could not be a better husband, a better friend or a better caretaker. I was down the other day and pleaded with God for something. Instead of what I asked for, He gave me something better — an old friend called out of the blue in the middle of the day and he talked to me for a long time. There aren’t many things better than long conversations with old friends. God is sustaining me and blessing me. It’s not fun to be humbled. It’s not fun to not be Supermom. It’s not fun to let my husband “wash my feet”, but it is so good to rest in the shadow of the Almighty and know that He is right here giving me things that are so much greater than I even ask or hope for.